


PNWS Shorts

by QuantumDippinDots



Series: PNWS Shorts [2]
Category: Rabbits (Podcast), Tanis (Podcast), The Black Tapes Podcast
Genre: (attempted) humor, Abject stupidity, Gen, Humor, Mostly Dialogue, Sadly this seems like it appears first in the Rabbits tag despite being abject stupidity, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 22:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10886475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumDippinDots/pseuds/QuantumDippinDots
Summary: The PNWS office opens gear samples, and a new PNWS mystery is born.





	PNWS Shorts

**Author's Note:**

> This is stupid.

Nic Silver stood in front of the box and waited from the others to wander over. Terry, Paul, and Hollis were seated to his left. Carly was sitting on the right, playing with her phone.

“Another link from a mysterious email address… I wonder what it is.”

“No, don’t open random links from strangers!”

“Who invited you, MK?” MK ignored Carly’s question and stretched her legs over the love seat. The intern reconsidered trying to sit down next to her.

“Sign in now and an iPad will be mailed to your home…”

“Carly, are you serious?”

“Is everyone here?” Nic asked.

“Where’s Alex? And I saw Amalia wandering around.”

“Alex needs to be here. Amalia doesn’t. Alex! Alex! ALEX! We’re opening up the gear samples. ALEX!” Amalia wandered in.

“Alexandra is in kitchen now, doing the coffee.”

“Well, she needs to see the samples. Go get her.”

“ALEXANDRA!” Amalia opened the door and stuck her head out. “ALEXANDRA! Come, come, and Nic will open box!”

“I said get- whatever. OK. So, we have some different new tee-shirt ideas for each of the Podcasts, and there are some hat ideas. Also, a Tanis mug, uhm, I think there are some bracelets. I don’t remember everything. But we’re trying to decide what we might actually be able to sell to people. When Alex – Alex?” He stopped as someone started fumbling at the door. The intern scuttled over and opened it. Alex had a mug in one hand and a fistful of sugar packets in the other. She swept over at the table and got to work pouring each packet into the coffee.

“OK, going in.” Nic picked up the office scissors and jammed one end into the line of packaging tape on the top of the package. His audience watched as he wiggled them around, trying to push them along the seam. They refused to budge.

“Nic, you need to get the angle right.”

“No, push down.”

“Nic, stop, stop – you must do as physic tells you to do.”

“You’re going to cut yourself. Don’t come crying to me about it.”

“Just don’t cut the samples.”  
“If you cut the Rabbits samples…”

“Try it from the other side.”

“Nicky! Do as physic tells you!” The scissors jerked down three inches and stuck again.

“Intern!” Hollis cried. “Open the package for him.” The intern slunk over and waited for Nic to pass the scissors.

 

After the intern and Terry failed to open the package, Amalia took over. After a few quick strokes, it sat open on the table in front of them.

“See, simple. You just do as physic tells you. All in the wrist.” They began to pass out the samples.

“Too bad Dr. Strand wouldn’t license out any Strand Institute things for us,” Alex said as she pulled a shirt that read _It’s Always Demons, Isn’t It?_ on over her blouse. “He’d hate this. Honestly, I think it’s a little dark myself.”

“At least the demon on it is cute. I’d pet it.”

“Hmm… I think this is nice.” Carly raised up a bracelet with ‘R U PLAYING?’ spelled out in beads.

“It is you on this shirt. This is the nicest one, I think.” Amalia held up a tank top with Nic’s face on it. “Ladies. Small. Very good.”

“Hey, these are samples. They have to stay here.” Paul frowned at her.

“There’s another. MK, this fits you, I think.”

“Well, thanks so much for the offer, but I think I’m good. I want a mug.”

“Samples, guys!”

 

They continued to go over the samples, discussing what would and would not result in net profits. Things were winding down; the products had all been picked over and their merits discussed. Nic picked up an overlooked piece from under a sweater that read _Priesthood One_ that had made Carly vaguely uncomfortable. “Hey, are these shorts?” Nic asked, holding it up. “It says PNWS. On the bottom. OK, who ordered these?” Heads were shook, denials issued. “Speak up. Someone did it.”

“Do you think people would buy shorts with PNWS one the ass?” Alex asked.

“I think it’s a little… Trashy. Not what we want to be selling,” Carly said.

“Definitely not on brand. OK, ‘fess up, someone,” Terry said.

“I’d wear them,” said the intern.

“We should send them to Dr. Strand, as a gesture of our friendship,” Alex suggested, smirking.

“Mmmm, they’re a men’s small; I don’t know if they’ll fit,” Nic replied.

“Well, I guess you should try them on then.”

“You know what, MK, why don’t you try them?”

“If you want me to advertise for you, it’ll cost extra.”

“Look, someone had to do this.”

“You should listen to MK, I think. Come, put them on.”  
“No!”

“We could make the intern wear them.”

“We aren’t making anyone wear them because we’re not going to sell them. We may as well toss them out.”

“Do you think the intern did it?”

“No! No! I would never!”

“I don’t think the intern has access to any of our accounts.”

“The intern might have got access.”

“Someone did it!”

“Maybe it was a mix up?”

“Hmmm,” said Nic. He had booted up the desktop and had opened the records of their account with the supplier. There is a listing.” The onlookers flocked around and peered at the screen.

 

**SHORT                                        (1)**

 

“Well, it says shorts, right there.” Paul said. “I guess that explains it.”

“Actually, it says ‘short.’” Alex let out a giggle, and then sipped her coffee.

“Yeah, well, it basically says ‘shorts.’ It’s one letter. Someone seems to have entered the order, is my point,” Paul replied.

“So, is anyone going to confess?” Nic asked. Silence fell.

 

Soon the group wandered off in their own separate directions. Nic went to get some coffee of his own; Dr. Bernier had still not had any success with his nightmares. Amalia snuck out before anyone could miss the tee-shirt she was still clutching. The intern went back to browsing Reddit and waiting for someone to bestow work upon them. Carly announced that an app had appeared on her phone, telling her to wait outside, and that she was going to do it. Alex wrote a notification on the white board: “If you ordered PNWS shorts with our latest samples, please email Nic and let him know!” Then, she folded up the shorts and tossed them the bottom drawer of the oldest filing cabinet, the one wedged in the corner. You never knew when you would need a clean pair of shorts.


End file.
